"We have two sons in heaven. Two boys we will never meet here on earth, never hold, and never kiss the cheeks of. Two boys who we will never celebrate first birthdays, first steps, or first days of kindergarten with. We had four pregnancies in three years, two of which we walked the complicated path of loss with, and the other two we walked the heart wrenching NICU journey with. It was obvious my emotions were not what they use to be.
I couldn't control my depression. I had severe flashbacks of the losses and the trauma, as well as trauma from the scary NICU journey with both of our babies. My mind was not ok. My body was a mess and healing would require much patience, grace, and time. My emotions were all over the place. I felt everything and yet nothing all at the same time. After being diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as well as Postpartum Depression (PPD), I was put on medication which would help me be level minded. Reaching out for help and knowing the fog that consumed me needed to be cleared was a huge turning point in my life, my marriage, and in my role as a mommy. By stepping out, talking, and asking for help for me, I was being the best I could be for them.
I had the opportunity to speak with my cousin on the subject while she was in the midst of filming "Stronger". This project provides a safe haven for those who suffer from PTSD to stand up without negative connotations placed on them, judgement cast, or fear of rejection in sharing how their lives have been effected by this disorder. The flashbacks, nightmares, sounds, and everything that sets off triggers are not things to be ashamed of. They are pieces. Pieces of life. Pieces of reality. Pieces of a past that makes us who we are today.
Being able to be involved in the Stronger project has been a positive thing for me. It has allowed me to work through the trauma I've faced emotionally, knowing that it can maybe help another one day. It has helped me spiritually to be able to pray through it, knowing others will one day walk a path similar to mine. It has allowed me to pray over others' futures with a desire to see perseverance and faith grow from these experiences. This project has allowed me to step out and share my story without fear of judgement and follow it up by boldly stating that through it all I AM STRONGER."
- Heather Pearson, Wife & Mommy
